What is masculinity? Masculinity is a set of attributes, behaviors, and roles associated with men and boys. I don't know about all of you, but when I think masculinity the words below come to mind..

• Tough

• Strong

• Hustle

• Sweat

• Compete

The Harvard Business Review published a study recently where they surveyed thousands of workers in the U.S. and Canada from different organizations and through this study, four masculine norms which together they define as "Masculinity Contest Culture" emerged.

Can you say SALES CULTURE? When I read through the article it was like the last 11 years had been playing out in front of me.

1. Show no weakness - In sales we're conditioned to think if we show an ounce of vulnerability we'll lose the sale or be seen as weak by leadership or our team. After some trial and error, I thankfully threw that notion out the window. I quickly learned how important it was to admit I didn't know and then find the answer rather than make something up to then have to go back and apologize. Admitting I was wrong was something I had to pick up real fast. There were times I miss sold something. Rather than blaming the product, my engineer or leadership team, I took ownership and that went such a long way with my customers.

2. Strength and stamina - First in, last out. Those are the people you want on your team. I was conditioned to think that the hours I put in would reward me, but all they did were burn me out. This way of thinking made it really hard for me to establish and maintain boundaries. I saw my leaders working long and crazy hours and I felt like I wasn't doing "my part" if I wasn't matching them, responding to their late night emails or putting in the same amount of hours. I felt that my leadership opportunities wouldn't be there if I didn't prove (through hours worked) how much I wanted the job. In the end this way of thinking only hurt me and put a strain on all of my meaningful relationships including the one with myself.

3. Put work first - Been there, done that. There are many occasions I can think back to where I wasn't just late for dinner, I didn't MAKE dinner. I chose working over eating. I chose work over time with family, friends and myself. I skipped workouts, drinks with girlfriends and therapy sessions because "something came up at work." In the end I learned the workout, dinner and therapy session was always more important than the frustrated client. They will still be there ready to chat as soon as you get out of your prior commitment.

4. Ruthless competition - I'm all for a little friendly competition. I spent 11+ years in sales after all. However, the issue I see with ruthless competition is that it eliminates the desire to help others. If you come up with an idea, approach or strategy in a culture that encourages ruthless competition, you keep it close to your chest so only you benefit. This hurts yourself, your team and your company in so many ways. This is especially dangers for sales teams where there aren't many women. There's this consensus that only so many women can succeed and if ruthless competition is valued women will spend their time cutting each other down rather than lifting each other up.

So how do we change? Leaders need to publicly reject all of these norms by:

1. Removing any sort of praise or encouragement for long hours worked.

2. Celebrate your team for not knowing things. When role playing, reward your reps for NOT knowing answers. Show them that vulnerability and is actually a really important part of the sales job

3. Encourage everyone to speak up. Look out for those that have traditionally been looked down on for doing so and stand up for their thoughts or ideas to show them they matter.

4. Leave loudly. When you're leaving early, tell the team. When you're not going to get to a project by the end of the day let your team know and inform them you'll pick it back up in the morning. Try to shy away from sending super early or late emails.

5. Praise collaboration. Show your team that by helping others they help themselves and the entire organization. If you're publicly traded you can tie this directly to your companies price per share and the equity they own.

6. Create new incentives. Instead of beer and pizza look into professional development opportunities, team building activities and ways you can give back to your community.