Life is hard and it’s going to continue to be hard. I’m personally in a really tough season and it feels like I’ve been in it forever. My husband and I have been struggling with infertility for years and we’ve tried everything. From legs up for fifteen minutes after intercourse all the way to an unsuccessful round of IVF.

This journey (24 monthly let downs) tests your mental strength in ways I didn’t even know possible. It’s so easy to slip into a place of apathy, guilt, anger, resentment or confusion when you continue to hope, pray and try for something without success. I’ve learned, there’s only one thing that truly keeps you going in a situation like that and it’s your energy around it.

Personally I have been able to continue to push forward through this process using the strategies below:

1. What’s the lesson/opportunity? At every stage of this process I have been able to pause and ask myself what I’m learning and that has helped me immensely. Some of the responses I’ve generated from this exercise are:

2. Empathy and true understanding for all of those struggling through infertility.

3. A chance to share information with my family, friends, colleagues and social community. For so many, I have opened their eyes to what it means and looks like to go through this really challenging experience.

4. I know more about my own body. I have an understanding of my egg reserve and quality. The true science behind fertilization, embryo development and so much more.

5. A strong IVF network. I’ve created and revived relationships with countless other women going through this same process. Some I’ve met recently, others I’ve known forever. We’ve created our own little support network and I feel so much gratitude for each and every one of them

6. A deeper connection to my husband. This process has brought us even closer. Sometimes there are extremely challenging moments - especially when I break down or lash out, but all in all we are so much stronger and even deeper in love because of this.

7. Visualization

8. I can visualize myself as a mother, Nick as a father and the two of us raising a child together. Practicing this makes it easier to accept that we don’t have it today, but we will.

9. Reflection. We live in a world where it feels like everyone is constantly on the go. We pivot from task to task, place to place and thought to thought without building in time to pause and reflect. My journey with infertility has helped me build true reflection into my life whether it’s through journaling, working with my coach or therapist or carving out time for tech free walks in my neighborhood. All of these techniques give me a chance to reflect on the process. During this I’m able to come up with

10. Questions to ask

11. Perspectives to challenge

12. Ways to start conversations with my husband, friends or family around the topic

13. Identify what I really need from myself and others.

If we don’t build in time to dig into our thoughts, emotions and actions around something ,we could continue to move down a path that doesn’t serve us. None of this is saying you should not allow yourself to feel your emotions, trust me, I’ve had my fair share of meltdowns and they were needed. But simply to be more conscious and aware of how you’re showing up and if it’s actually helping you.

Written by: Tara Ryan, Founder Infinidei